Tend and Be Friend, Name it To Tame it
Tend and be friend and name it to tame it are processes that transform your self-judgment into self-acceptance. They better and tender your relationships.
This transformation can be a struggle. Tara Brach, psychologist, meditator, and PhD, stated that the struggle happens because in the presence of self-judgment you have to move through three stages:
– Learn to observe your own thoughts
– Mindfully feel your feelings, and
– Offer a gesture of care to your inner self.
The process requires an effort. It requires help sometimes.
What happens to your mind when you are caught in self-judgemental and self-harm? The more primitive part of yourselves get activated and you find ourselves in the fight-flight-freeze response. Your system is constantly looking for threats and dangers. It is physiological.
The three processes listed above instead activate the most recently evolved part of your brain: the frontal cortex and the neuropathways responsible for compassion, reason, and empathy.
Tend and Be Friend, Name it To Tame it
The three stages above move you from the fight-flight-freeze mode to a state of caring and tenderness called “tend and be friend“. Through the 3 processes above you are evolving ourselves. You are moving from self-judgment and self-hatred to a more caring and intelligent perspective. That affects your relationships.
When you observe your thoughts arising, try to name them. Name also your feelings, your physical sensations, and emotions. In Vipassana, this process is called “name to tame it“. When you name your perceptions, feelings, you activate the same neuropathways that are responsible for compassion, reasoning, and empathy. The result is a more objective experience with no identification with emotions. That brings within yourselves more space to act with emotional intelligence but without emotional engagement.
Your wellness is your goal, right? Factor in your mind state then. There is no other choice.
FRY highlights the importance of movement and the relationship with movement which is the real game changer.
Photo from NBCNews
